where i ate sea shells FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE: I think shame is like eating seashells, This dream i had Where i was looking at myself And i felt distant Ext. A shot of an empty beach A girl in a grey water landscape The the wind rushes through her hair Black and white Eyes Sand Skin Youth Dazed, maybe a bit confused November 12th i can’t breathe and i want to die kindness is pleasant like a hug from your mother it’s nice once in a while She said not everything is bad Which i believe to be true sometimes Maybe not in this moment But later on when i have calmed down a bit I can accept this but for now I’m crying out of this disdain i have for myself And wondering if i could have a Breath Breathe im sorry that i worried you and Constantly Worry You She does not want to lock me up and throw away the key But she said she can’t have me suicidal or that will be the repercussion ---------- It's pouring and i left my bike uncovered Im hungry for attention that a boy won’t give me Even though i spread my legs for him I am not what he desires … Replaying a date is bizarre My mind is going over more and more details of it Trying to decipher what it is i may have said or not said That made him not so interested in what i have to offer But then i think to when i hang out with another person And how they give me the time of day I don’t know what i want really, it’s probably just the dose of being in love Craving something in order to feel whole The lights were low and i was feeling less apathetic staring into the whirlwind of clouds I took around 6 lines of ketamine to try to experience something new And it was new but familiar at the same time Im still feeling blocked creatively and its so stupid because this boy who i don’t even know Wont light up my goddamn phone.